Love Profusion

Wines, wines and more wines...

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 14:32:09 PST

Bert2 is in a spin for a wine fever. I tried oto help him cope with all the memorizing especially when you have an extensive amount of information to absorb. I'd sure pity him on that but one thing is for sure, i.e for as long as he does not quit from this course and complete its due, I shall say I have done my bit for luring him to stay though many obstacles came in the way. My instinct sure tells me that he will make a good chef and a fun loving one though he may mean serious when it comes to work.
Working with him will definitely be a pleasure and what's more being with him. He is one individual who tries very hard and knows what he wants. Going to school at an age he is in, is something absurd for him initially but I do not see the point here. When told firsthand that he will be in the baking line, I was not shocked at all but rather more like amused because I asked myself: "You mean this guy can bake?" I did not trust myself because all the people I meet are bad bakers apart from my mum that is. But here I am talking about this guy who wants to make a switch to something that is completely different. Nonethelss, I have him the benefit of a doubt.
All the above statements proves to be futile when I tasted his cookies for the first time and I sure had a pleasant shock because no one has ever presented to me as such. It was heaven the first time I popped it in my mouth. You could just tell that it is tantalizing. Tried very hard to remain cool but the taste of the cookies got the better of me. CONGRATULATIONS!
As for now, he will have to befriend those wines in order to tackle Mr. Exams. I know deep down in me, I have much faith in him and will always do. I just can't wait for d day he gets out to work like a pro in the real industry. You can, my dearest one!

~Nothing is impossible especially when you listen to your heart. There will always be Monsta the Angel...hehehe who stands by you through good and bad, through health and sick, and through rich and poor~

The journey has just began...

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 14:22:45 PST

Thanks for the entry though it came in as a surprise. To get to the bottom of this, I would say I do not quite agree with some of your points. If I may recall, you did mention, early August 2003, that we might need to take a break especially when something important like exams comes by.

Till now I'd take it as, and, leave us with a big break for the mean time from this relationship till after your exams and some time to ponder on our mistakes and see how things should be for the better. No longer I guess messaging and sms-ing war if reconciliation is ever to take place.

Something which you need to retify is on the part of blaming yourself about selling off the bike and etc. It didn't occur to my mind that it would be that serious and to get facts straight, I am not materialistic and hope you do see that. I always hold by this philosophy that I need to work hard if I want something which I desire. I'ts even hurtful to see that you keep blaming yourself and call yourself names which I'd never favour from day one. You might have this thought that we are not compatible but yet have I ever complained and point out your flaws in a serious manner? I do not recall it. I was quite stunned rather after you told me that I take you away from your friends and I did some back-tracking but to no avail. What you meant maybe, was time away from all your ex-colleagues. That I did was on a good spur and didn't want your mum to rattle on your friends' morale. I do not want to be judgemental about your friends but it seems that your mum worries about with whom you hang out with so I thought you should keep a distance but NOT severe your ties with them. Hope you'd understand pertaining to this issue.

My holidays have yet to be planned so far and it will not be around till very soon. I do not have spies around you and I was in a state of shocked when I read the mail which you sent to that syam guy and if you could recall, day after day, I seek the truth from you and it seems you were mailing him still even if you said you weren't. I just do not fancy lies and truthfully, I never lied to to while being together and I am impressed by the so-called milestone. NEVER blame yourself and NEVER do that because all these are the impacts you had at home. Being with you sure has made me think deeply and look at how people has got to survive on sheer hard work. I do hope you will not include any religious inserts in any msges or blogs k coz I think it might not appear appropriate.

I will give you some time till after the exams to reconcile about us and I will wait for your answer if you want to patch things up which on my point of view is something logical. It'd sure made me excited to see that our ties surpassed the one-year mark, remember that? hehehe. My life was not wasted with you so please correct that-->jangan nak memandai eh. I am still in contact with you aren't I? I shall pen it off here and do think about what I had just said because the journey has just began, Bert (a.k.a Anu-ar, Bert2, Bacen). You need the space and if you ask me, things are just getting better and I'd seek reconciliation between us. I do not see the end as you did, unfortunately and hope you will reconsider having me in your life and guiding me once again on track just like you did before. You may have a gazillion reasons to turn this reconciliation but if you appreciate us, let us embark on an unfinished journey. Do not reply with philosophies which are redundant but rather a positive stand ok?

~P.S 1: Miss you from day to day; do you?.
~P.S 2: The reason this blog was created was to allow us to voice our points and stand in hard times and not flash the white flag. FYI, I do expect strained ties here and there and that explains this blog. Muax~

"Monsta mesti promise to be patient with me and never leave me even though how stupid my actions are. I am unpredictable. I just get stressed with mum and bro sometimes pat rumah. You will never leave me kan?" (California Cafe @ The Esplanade, May 2003).

I am a man of my words to the above question thus shan't leave you...

Bonsoir Monsieur Bert!

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 14:53:06 PST

Bert2 had a test to attempt the very next day and believe it or not I was rather panicky 'coz i'd seriously want him to excel be it in theory or pratical stuffs. I'd just do not want his mother to be making a big fuss about him going back to school. True it is at times difficult to reason with our elders but the only way in his case, i thought, was to do well academically. He have me a bag and i knew i beamed with much pleasure the very moment i had the bag in my hands. thanks for the gift, dearest. it'd sure meant a great deal to me.
We looked through our notes and made use of the time available to cover what is left. I knew you were tired but really wanted you to try to hit the top. You'd never failed to make me laugh and that's one thing i'd never forget apart from the strong-watt smile you'd cast upon the gloomy days if it ever comes by. life is tough for you but nonetheless i m here by your side and remember that materials dun last as compared to one's love, care, concern and devotion. all these comes with utmost trust of course. like you said that there is room for improvement and i'd second that. but i must say that minus all the conflicts and dilemmas, we r doing pretty well. the best part is that we help one another buck up psychologically and emotionally. i'd shall keep it short for now, have got quite a number of notes to comprehend. thanks for the evening as may you excel in your test. muax666

Thanks, dear

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 00:49:15 PST

It's been minutes before 11am and i just woke up to his message. My tummy do not feel good. Perhaps it's due to the spicy food i took last evening. I was glad to see bert2 give me a comment. thanks, dearest. I think the whole relationship is all about resolution and compromising. it is with a sound mind that we must keep things together. this whole thing sure has made me change into a better person, i hope you see that in me. every moment spent with you is definitely something i'd treasure because these r the times i will be able to share all my sorrows and happiness. on that note, i am very happy that you will be completing your course pretty soon and going into the real world in no time. i think your certificate will mean a lot to people out there in the industry. like i've always said nothing comes in easy. in life, in all comes in a package of both ups and downs.
on my part, i just can't wait to complete my studies and go out there in the real world and start earning my first real pay. i am both anxious and nervous though ain't sure why. i know bert2 has been through a lot and i must tell you that whatever happens, i will stand by your side. but most importantly, you must believe in what you do and show to mum what you r worth of ok dearest? i have much faith in you and frankly you r one of many talents. you have many skills which i dun so do not be too pessimistic especially in telling yourself that you r useless.
hopefully you will also change for the better and i want you to very much control your anger and do not jump to conclusions when i say or send a message. can't wait to get our own haven. muax, luv u a great deal.... Once again, thanks dear

13th Month Anniversarie

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 00:17:42 PST

Today, 2nd March 2004, marks my 13th month anniversarie with Bert2 and I received a soothing message from him which said that this whole relationship is bound for the better. I was supposedly to head down to the gym but after waking up late i had to forego the whole idea. perhaps i should head down later after the 'noon prayers. no one seems to be at home and it is time like this which i treasure very much as peace, tranquility and serenity related very well to my all time favourite vocab. i did not manage to get started on my assignments as much as i have planned. perhaps i will in the next few days.

as of now, bert2 is heading towards school and he will be having a long day ahead. we were supposed to meet up but due to his long day today, we had to postpone it and change it to a later date. had a great time by the sea last evening and it was a turned on one especially during the rail ride. we just couldn't help one another i guess but had to move our body organs all over till it entwine elsewhere....hmmm yeah! i shall stop here for now and if he is reading this, i want to thank him for all his time and affection towards the stubborn me though not as bad as his 'possessed soul' when things turns out differently. hehehe, till then, i shall have my breaky now.

Tiring Saturday

Sat, 28 Feb 2004 04:38:46 PST

Just got home and boy was I drained under the Saturday's scorching sun. I wonder what is Bacen doing in the kitchen or rather chicken as he fondly calls it. I didn't manage to bump into him when I was at Lakeside but nonetheless he did messaged me. When I received his message all I ever thought of was that he will be fine emotionally as I do not quite favour talking to him when his mood is all over the place. He encouraged me to attend the audition though part of me had learnt quite a lesson from Malay auditions.
On my way back from campus, I dropped by McD thinking of having my breaky there but not when I saw the place was fully occupied and I really mean full here. I bought a hash brown and a Milo drink and consume it whilst walking to the MRT station. At the MRT I was still contemplating if I should really be at the audition. I told myself that it will be a good thing to just try out. I was at Toa Payoh when I realised that the audition will only be at 2pm. The time then according to my blue baby faced Swatch was barely 12 noon. I called Netty and enquired if they do an early audit but to no avail. I decided to make my way home with the uncomfy stomach which persisted right from the start of the train ride. I wanted to look around but I couldn't afford just that with the humid atmosphere. Alas I m home and still as always wondering what bert2 bacen is doing. till now i have yet to tell him about this page which i dedicate to the both of us. I am very tired. It will be great if he asks me out later so that i do not have to be cooped up in this room of mine. but if he doesn't ask me out, maybe meet him tomorrow and gym along. been quite a while since i embark on my serious training. that's all for now, muax666

Solemn evening

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 13:18:41 PST

It is now a few minutes past 2300 and the song Dugaan Buatmu is filling the atmosphere. I have finally managed to set up this page primarily to express my thoughts on my ties with my ever-loved Bert2. Today, 27th February was quite a tough evening because all went fine till I felt as if I was shooed away when in fact Bert2 couldn't take it as he was really drained. It did not occur to me that I should get him to sit somewhere - just like what he would do whenever he meets the tired me. I am truly sorry if I hadn't been tactful though I try very much to live up to the expectations. Sometimes I just feel lost in this whole relationship as I do not know if my actions are acceptable or otherwise. I must say I have progressed along the way especially when it comes to my short-temper issue. I have managed to control it partly for now and I think it does a lot to my emotions as I do not feel intense too easily every now and then. I have always believed that when out partner is fire, we must be water in order not to clash. Sometimes the thought of bert2 being too tired did not come across my mind. He messaged me and expressed his grievences that he is not able to pay up for our meals. Truthfully, I have never been calculative and being with him always put my mind at an ease - be it on bed or just across dinner table. He may not be gorgeous in the eyes of others but he resonates this ambience which makes you want to spend more time with him. Along the one year over I knew him, I realised he does not come through an easy way. It aches me whenever he is sick across the island while I am all helpless on the other side. He nurses me till I recover and ensure I take in the right food. While typing this, I could feel that tears could trickle down any sooner but I need to get it in check coz I m very contented to have him in my life. People have tried to bring us apart but thankfully through some resolution, we managed to sort things out. Today might not be a perfect evening my dearest bert2 but you complete my life with love and care. I will pen it here for now coz I need to turn in as i have to meet rosnani for my teaching evaluation. LOVE U a great deal through good and bad SAYANG! will write more in the days to come!